


Candy Canes Are Not to Be Used As Sexual Aids, Signed Lavernius Q Tucker

by CaptainLeBubbles



Series: Throwback Thursday [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 11:59:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLeBubbles/pseuds/CaptainLeBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doc wants to do dirty things, but Wash won't pay attention to him. Clearly, he must resort to other tactics. Meanwhile, Tucker is traumatized.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Candy Canes Are Not to Be Used As Sexual Aids, Signed Lavernius Q Tucker

**Author's Note:**

> Throwback Thursday! Except it's not a Thursday. This is a fic I originally posted to the old LJ community about four years ago, and I'm reposting it here because it's still hilarious to me. Takes place in the interim between s8 and s9.
> 
> Very minimal editing; except for a few fixed typos it's still the same fic I posted four years ago.

Every couple reaches that point, that point where the honeymoon is over, they stop fucking like rabbits, and actually Get Things Done.  
  
Wash and Doc had reached that point.  
  
Well, strictly speaking, only Wash had reached that point. Doc was perfectly willing to continue fucking like rabbits. Wash just happened to have slowed down.  
  
This was not acceptable.  
  
"Waa~aaaaaassshhhh~" Doc put his arms around Wash's waist and leaned over his shoulder.  
  
Wash glanced at him before returning to his work. "In just a little while, I promise."  
  
"But I want you." He pouted and moved one of his hands lower, slipping it under the waistband of Wash's blue and yellow pajama pants (one of the gifts Doc had given him during Chanukah, that he never wore underwear with, umf). Wash sighed, and pulled Doc's hand out of his pants. He brought it to his lips and kissed Doc's fingertips gently, once, and then got back to work. Doc whined.  
  
"Sorry, but I really need to finish this inventory report. We're out of... everything... and I have to requisition it from Command in the next drop." He swiveled his chair around and pulled Doc to him, kissing him soundly. "I _promise_ I will thoroughly debauch you as soon as I'm done, but it really needs to get finished."  
  
"Can't it wait?"  
  
"No." He turned quickly back to his work. Doc sighed and sulked over to the bed to pout. He sprawled out on his stomach and gave Wash a pitiful look.  
  
Five minutes later, Wash was still working on the report. Wash took his duties seriously, even the mundane ones. Part of it was his training ("You're given a job to do, and you do it quickly and efficiently."), but mostly, he was just eager to show the other Blues that they hadn't made a mistake in recruiting him.  
  
Doc huffed and walked out. If Wash wasn't going to pay him attention on his own, he'd just have to find some other way to get him to.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Tucker and Caboose were in the base's common room, decorating the tree they'd dug out of storage earlier.  
  
"Oh, hey Doc," Tucker said cheerily, when the medic walked up to look over their work. "Wanna help?"  
  
They looked like they were having fun. Caboose was tossing tinsel onto it at random, and Tucker was hanging candy canes- though he'd stolen one, the end of which was currently poking out of his mouth. When Tucker removed it long enough to talk, Doc could see that it's length was still in tact, and since only the tip was sticking out, Doc could only draw one conclusion.  
  
That gave him an idea. He took one from the tree and held it up.  
  
"Actually, I only came in to get something. Mind if I take this?"  
  
Tucker looked at the candy cane, then at the mischievous look on Doc's face, then back at the candy cane. He took his own back out of his mouth.  
  
"One condition, dude. I never, ever want to know why you want it."  
  
"I just want to eat it," Doc said innocently.  
  
"Right. And I will go to my grave believing that."  
  
~*~*~  
  
Wash looked up from the report when a candy cane was dangled in front of him. He looked around, but Doc had already retracted it and was sucking on the tip. He stopped long enough to say, "Want half?" before sucking it back into his mouth with a slightly unnecessary slurp. Wash swallowed hard.  
  
"Uh, n- no thanks," he stammered out distractedly, as Doc licked a stripe up the side of the cane. He turned swiftly back to the desk and hunched over it. "I really have to finish this report."  
  
Doc shrugged. "Oh well. More for me."  
  
"Riiiight..."  
  
Wash tried to focus his full attention on writing out the inventory report. He managed to list that they only had one case of grenades left before he gave in a risked a peek over his shoulder at Doc.  
  
Doc was slurping on the part of the cane just before the curve. As Wash watched, he pulled it slowly from his mouth, and bit gently at the tip. Wash swallowed again and shifted into a more comfortable position. If Doc noticed, he said nothing, just continued to suck sinfully at the candy cane in his hand.  
  
Wash returned his attention to his report, but had not even managed a whole word before his attention was drawn back to his teasing boyfriend. He was still licking and sucking at the candy cane like it was the greatest thing he'd ever tasted, with a look of utter ecstasy on his face- a very familiar expression; he usually made it for Wash.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Doc was fully aware of Wash's eyes burning into him. Time to implement stage two.  
  
When Wash shifted uncomfortably for the umpteenth time, Doc let his free hand snake casually down into the front of his pajamas. He stroked idly at his cock, knowing how irresistible Wash found him when he was doing it any other time. He heard Wash swallow audibly once more and shift again. His breath was coming out slowly. Doc resisted the urge to look at him, hoping that his plan would work soon, because seriously, Doc could only do so much for himself- and what he could do, he knew from experience Wash could do far better.  
  
When he remain undebauched, he decided to up his tactic. He gave Wash a sidelong glance to make sure he was still watching (he was) and moaned, low, the way he knew Wash liked, and was rewarded when Wash growled and stood so quickly he knocked his chair to the floor.  
  
Wash stalked toward him, looking vaguely menacing.  
  
"Do-ooc," he said gravely. "I told you I had to finish this report, and that I would debauch you to your heart's content as soon as I was done. Why won't you let me finish?"  
  
"Me?" Doc gave him the most innocent look he could muster. "I'm just eating a candy cane. And, well, if you won't pay attention to me I just have to take care of myself."  
  
"Oh really." Wash was looming over him now. He smirked.  
  
In one swift movement that indicated his extensive training, Wash had Doc's pajama bottoms pulled down to his ankles and was straddling his thighs, hands resting casually on Doc's hips. His own pajamas had disappeared at some point as well- Doc had no idea when, he hadn't been looking closely enough. Wash took the candy cane from Doc's hand and leaned over so that their noses were almost touching.  
  
"I guess if you're that desperate, I'll have to just take care of you so I can get back to work."  
  
~*~*~  
  
Tucker and Caboose were heading to their rooms for bed when they heard a moan coming from Wash and Doc's room. The door was half-open, and Tucker, being Tucker, couldn't resist the urge to peek in.  
  
On their cot, Wash was straddling Doc's thighs. The medic's hands were tied loosely to the head of the cot with what looked like a sock, and Wash was trailing a...  
  
Hoshit. Wash was trailing the tip of a half-sucked candy cane slowly down Doc's chest with one hand, while the other hand was occupied with Doc's cock.  
  
Tucker backed away from the door and took the candy cane he'd been sucking on out of his mouth. He loved candy canes, but the mental image of one being used as a sexual aid might put him off-  
  
Oh, who was he kidding. He popped the candy cane back into his mouth with a smile.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Wash paused with his tongue an inch away from Doc's chest. "Did you hear something?"  
  
"N-no."  
  
"Hm. Must be imagining things. Oh well." He shrugged, and returned to the task at hand. Doc moaned appreciatively when a hot tongue passed roughly over his sternum. Wash grinned. Too easy.  
  
~*~*~  
  
In his room, Tucker pulled his pillow over his head and did his best to block out the moans drifting down the hallway. He didn't want to know what they were doing with that candy cane now.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I decided Tucker's middle initial was Q. I think I just liked the rhythm it created with the name.


End file.
